The Old Myspace Posts.

July 7, 2009: my purity ring

Yes i have a purity ring now.
Yes i am a jonas fan.
but before you get confused i'd like to straighten things out.

Before the jonas brothers, I didn't even know there were such things.
I've been going to church since I was a little girl.
but I still had never heard of them or the concept
My parents did not influence my decision either.
My parents made it clear to me that my decision about sex was my own and that they were there to help keep me safe regardless of my decision.
After I heard about the jonas brothers rings, I researched them on the internet.

After months of talking about it with my friends and researching it I decided it was the right choice for me based on my faith beliefs.
Reading the bible has strengthened that belief.
A few days ago my mother and I purchased my ring.

It says "True Love Waits"I thoroughly believe this.

With the purchase of this purity ring I promise to abstain from sex before I am married in a biblical marriage of true love. I also promise to abstain from drugs, tobacco, and alcohol for life.

This is my own choice and commitment.

Please do not criticize my personal decision or be nasty about it.
questions are welcome, I may have answers. feel free to ask. :)

March 8, 2009

Well, my life is starting to go back to normal.
I can't believe i thought i actually might have a chance.
really. who am i kidding.I am the most unsocial person I have ever met, i mean really.
i have no idea what to do in any social situation.
it is getting ridiculous
if i could talk to people like i can talk to tamsen maybe life would be easier
really. i am so socially inept i'm surprised i have any friends.but really. i love having long conversations with people.
i love just sitting around and talking about life.
the problem is that i'm rarely in situations like that
you know, today was probably the first time i've ever discussed my psoriasis with anyone for more than like two seconds. because everybody is just too afriad to ask. I have had one person honestly ask me about in my ENTIRE life. just freaking ask. wow. i'm so awkward. i can't believe wizard of oz is over. I've been a part of many "families" before. but i don't think i ever felt that comfortable before. I am really sad that i won't be spending my nights dancing and singing with such great people anymore.i'm a little worried about track. i haven't started yet. and i don't how going back to having no life at all is going to feel. so let's get to know each other. so that we can hang out sometimes
deal?

February 9, 2009
what's fake.
she's fake.but so am i.
i think.. we all are a little fake.
none of us are real.
we aren't
i'm okay with that.
i like my version of fake better than the barbie doll version.
better then the bottle of fake tan.
the fake nails. the fake voice
the colored hair.the heavy jewelry.the synthetic clothes.
the crunchy hair spray.
i don'..t see the beauty.
maybe if you scrubbed away her layers.
then she'd be the level of fake i can deal with.
that's why they were perfect for each other.
then there are those people who seem better on the outside
then they really are inside.
but the people you want to be.
but not.
i don't get it.
why can't anyone just talk anymore.
you know.talk .about everything.any thing.
oh wait.i know.this thing called trust.
who can you trust?
three girls
.i have never trusted anyone more than them.
EVER.
i wish that wasn't true sometimes.

January 29, 2009:
my sixteenth birthday.
i remember when i first sang this.
i was in lower chipeta.
at the ripe age of 11.
i cryed when i sang this song.
it was the words that got me.
it was my most dreaded song.
because it always made me so sad.
i could just curl up and cry.
i have always been afraid of growing up.
i can't tell you how many sleepless night i've had worrying about going to highschool since i turned eleven.
everything was so scary.
so sad that i would ever grow up.
but now i'm here.
and i'm still afraid of the future.
but it really not so bad.
birthdays scare me.
because things change so fast.
but you don't seem to notice until you look behind you.
but the song is right.
its the circle gameand we are all captured on the carousel of time.

sixteen springs and sixteen summers gone now
cartwheels turn to car wheels thru the town
and they tell him,take your time, it wont be long now
till you drag your feet to slow the circles down
and the seasons they go round
and roundand the painted ponies go up and down
were captive on the carousel of time
we cant return we can only look behind
from where we came
and go round and round and roundin the circle game♥

January 28,2009: the day before...
do you think that it'sa little sentimental
when the clock runs down
i think i'm going mental
the pressure starts building
my life is going faster
my heart slows down
this is really a disaster.
its almost time for me
to see what i can be
tickticktocktock.543.
clock is running down.
what's happening to me.


January 13,2009

I feel like the world is passing me by.
I'm standing there watching it.
I'm watching it pass me by in a little trolley car.
It seems like everyone is flying by me so i stop and watch.
But when i look back I've already missed my stop.
I didn't take the detour.
I wish i just had a couple more hours in a day.
but at the same time i love to be busy because i never learned what to do when you aren't.
I cause all these problems for myself.
Because i don't stick myself out there.
In my head i'm playing by all these rules.
The unspoken ones.
Like don't talk to them unless they talk to you first because they might not want to talk to you. Don't tell people too much about yourself. ( why i'm not sure)
If they want to talk to you they will.

Constant noise. All these rules. Setting a world. That doesn't exist.

Or does it.

That's the only thing keeping me here. The chance of that world becoming reality.

January 1,2009: my lullaby.mood: sad. nostalgic. upset.

may all of your dreams bloom like daisies in the sun
may you always have stars in your eyes.
may you not stop running not until your race is run.
may you always have blue skies.♥

there's a song in the heart of a woman
that only the trues of loves can release
there's a song in the heart of a woman
set it free oh set it free.♥

sunny bright mornings and pale moonlit nights
keep me from feeling alone
now, I'm learning to fly and this freedom is like
nothing that I've ever known
i've seen the bottom and I've been on top
but mostly I've lived in between
and where do you go when you get to the end of your dream?♥

now in search of love and laughter i am traveling 'cross this land
never sure of where i'm going for i haven't any plan
so in time when you are ready come and join me, take my hand
and we'll see what's waiting out there on the loose.♥

sixteen springs and sixte.en summers gone now
cartwheels turn to car wheels thru the town
and they tell him,take your time, it wont be long now
till you drag your feet to slow the circles down
and the seasons they go round and round
and the painted ponies go up and down
were captive on the carousel of time
we cant return we can only look behind
from where we came
and go round and round and round
in the circle game♥

what is love without lovers
friendship without friends
the night skies without stars
venus without mars
in these mountains we share smiles
swapping tales for miles
and when we're through
what am i without you♥

i see the moon and the moon sees me
and the moon sees the somebody i'd like to see
so god bless the moon and good bless me
and god bless the somebody i'd like to see♥

peace i ask of thee oh river
peace peace peace
when i learn to live serenely cares will sieze
from the hills i gather courage
visions of the days to be
strength to lead and faith to follow
all are given unto thee
peace i ask of the o river
peace peace peace♥

Chipeta,chipeta your campers have gathered
to sing in the campfire's glow
night soon will be falling night winds will be calling
to pine trees that sway to a fro
great friends we have made here
we'll always remain dear
although we have drifted a apart
we love chipeta, we're loyal chipeta
you'll always be close to our heart♥

if you listen one and all
you can hear the Chipeta call
you can feel the spirit rise
where e'er we gomay we never forget
that glad day when we met
and those dear old chipeta girls
we loved so well♥

i've seen fire and i've seen rain.
i've seen sunny days that i thought would never end.
i've seen lonely times when i could not find a friend.
but i always thought that i'd see you again♥

♥♥

i miss this.
these are my lullaby.

December 5th
what would.. you do if you were marri..edand the perso..n you were marri..ed to lost their.. memor..y.i just feel that it would.. be so painf..ul.very noteb..ookes..que.its amazi..ng.how you can think.. that every..thing..s is start..ing to fit into place...but all it takes.. is one slip.and you fall... back to the begin..ning.today.. i felt isola..ted.i was in a sea of peopl..e.i was with some of the peopl..e i love most.but i still.. felt alone...someo..ne told me today.. that i hide my emoti..ons very well.which.. i think.. is silly...its pract..icall..y plast..ered all ove rmy face.that'..s what i see anywa..ys.but then i remem..bered.. somet..hing my drama.. teach..er at debut.. told me.she told me that i can captu..re an audie..nce with my emoti..on.not becau..se i show it in my face.or even my voice.. somet..imes.but throu..gh my eyes.you can read my emoti..on throu..gh my eyes.that'..s why i trick.. peopl..ebecau..se to them i'm just super.. happy...a littl..e hyper... rando..m. smile..y and optim..istic...but somet..imes when peopl..e say that.ijust.. laugh.. insid..e.becau..se reall..y. i was proba..bly veryv..eryve..ry upset.. that day.but no one knew but me.its amazi..ng how sayin..g you'..re tired.. will just blow every..thing.. off.and somet..imes i ambut somet..imes i just say i am becau..se i would.. rathe..r not say that i'm down.November 27th
i just watched the notebook.
i wish i could live in that time. it is so beautiful. the clothes the hair the makeup the jewelry. perfect.
but the thing i love the most is the way people act. the sense of romance. the purity of it all. the simplicity.
when there were gentlemen and ladies.
i wish i could live like that. in this world its practically impossible. but that doesn't stop me from wanting it.
i'm an old fashioned girl who would do anything to get a vintage dress. vintages shoes. a simple crinoline skirt.
i love old things.old ideas.
i will never make the first move really. i won't just hop on your lap and start telling you my life story. i won't instantly make you my best friend. in fact, you're lucky if i will even talk to you without you starting the conversation. but i'm easily charmed. just because i don't force it doesn't mean i don't want it.that's the way it is. that's who i am. i'm not saying its right or wrong.
it just is.